The birth of a baby is an extremely exciting, dynamic and joyful time. It can also be a minefield filled with booby traps to sabotage your sex life. Here are 7 ideas to make the transition from sexy woman/man to sexy mommy/daddy:

1. Acknowledge before delivery that your life will change after the baby arrives. Brainstorm together about how that might look, what things are more or less important in your lives and what things can be left undone, what’s negotiable and not. How do you envision your personal transition from sexy woman/man to your sexuality as mother/father? Consider all these things in a spirit of lightheartedness and partnership, and with a sense of humor.
2. During pregnancy, discuss your expectations about who will do what after the delivery. It will go a long way to saving you much strife once the baby arrives. Who will work and be the main breadwinner? Who will be responsible for which household chores and how often? What are each of your expectations about affection and sex after the baby comes?
3. Make sure you get plenty of sleep, which is much easier said than done. Take naps. Turn off the phones. Make a schedule of when you can both sleep. Ask for help from family, friends and other moms/dads you meet in postpartum support groups or playgroups. “I’ll watch your baby for 2 hours if you watch mine”. Use that time to sleep or do something rejuvenating for yourself. Exhaustion is a real sex killer. And, there are times you may just have to push through the fatigue in a spirit of maintaining your sexual connection.
4. Schedule “date” time. It is so easy to direct all of your time, attention and affection toward the little one-even if the little one is 5 or 7 years old-at the expense of your love and sexual relationship. Date time doesn’t have to mean sex time, though it may turn into that. Going out to dinner and a movie, taking a walk and holding hands, gazing into one another’s eyes, talking in more than monosyllabic sentences, and laughing together can remind you of how much you like and love your partner. It will go a long way to maintaining your deep connection and, many studies show, make you a better parent.
5. Remember to appreciate one another. With that new bundle of joy comes a bundle of new chores and responsibilities. That, paired with sleep deprivation, can make people a little cranky and forgetful. Make an effort to say “thank you” and show appreciation for what your partner does to make your life run smother or be more joyful. Ask about your partner’s day. We all want to feel appreciated and cherished and these are wonderful aphrodisiacs.
6. Forget the 6 week postpartum visit as the magical day you will return to your pre-pregnancy sex life. This may happen for some. But for most women, the physical and hormonal effects of birth, vaginal or Cesarean section, traumatic or not, often last well beyond the 6 week visit. Healing times vary from woman to woman, situation to situation. There may be vaginal pain caused by delivery, and the lack of estrogen, especially in breastfeeding women, often causes vaginal tissues to be very thin, dry and easily irritated. Increased amounts of oxytocin and prolactin cause decreased libido. Have tons of lubricant on hand, (and in all the other important places;-)) when you do decide to reinitiate intercourse. And see #7.
7. Communicate, communicate, communicate! If you are not sharing what you are experiencing and what you need, your partner cannot be empathetic and helpful. If you are having difficulties communicating and solving your problems alone seek the help of a trusted health care practitioner, clergy or therapist/counselor.