By now you’re probably fully into the bubbly buzz and varying degrees of chaos that generally marks this holiday time of year. Whether you look forward to this time of year all year long, and fully embrace it, or try to bury your head in the sand and avoid it like a case of crabs, it is upon us and  is very hard to dodge completely. With the joy and vibrancy of the holidays also can come many expectations and pressures, either self or other imposed. Pressure to have a good time, to look a certain way, to overindulge, to be ever joyful and upbeat. But when you’re rushing around to buy that perfect gift, fighting over parking spots in the mall or trying to fit into that special party dress or suit it can all get a little overwhelming and, well, not so fun. Here are a few tips to keep your sex life merry and jingling along during the holidays.

1. SLOW DOWN: There is so much rushing around during the holidays, and rushing is the last thing you want to do when you’re being sexual. Use your sexual encounters as your haven and respite from the craziness of the outside world. Relax and breathe into the warmth of one another’s bodies (or your own if you’re solo). Take time to slowly touch body parts you may often neglect. Breathe in deeply the smell of your lover’s scent.

2. DON’T OVERINDULGE: It’s so easy at all the holiday parties to unconsciously eat and eat and eat. Not to mention having a few-or a lot-too many drinks. Coming home after a party feeling bloated and full, gassy from rich foods you’re not used to eating and half drunk does not make for good sex. If you’re not feeling attractive in you’re body you will likely feel self conscious in front of your partner. Alcohol in small  amounts may relax us and make it easier to engage sexually, but too much is a real erection killer. So go easy on all the goodies.

3. GIVE THE PRESENT OF PRESENCE: Often during the holidays we spend so much time and money on over extravagant, expensive and often unnecessary-or even unwanted- gifts. What our partners so often really want and crave is our full attention and un-rushed time. So sit together. Talk with no cell phone, laptop or T.V. on. Wash your girlfriend’s hair. Give your man a pedicure. Take a bath together. Share the simple things in a fully present way. It will be worth more, in the long run, than diamond earrings or the newest iPhone.

4. BUY A TOY:  Every kid loves a new toy under the Christmas tree (or Hanukah bush). And we adults are just kids in disguise. So, if you’ve already got some sex toys, add a new one you’ve been wanting. If you’ve thought about trying out a sex toy for the first time, give your partner, or yourself, a gift that keeps on giving. If you’re a little too shy to walk into a sex toy store, grab a cup of hot cocoa and go shopping online together in the safety and warmth of your living room. Babeland and SmittenKitten are two sites that sell reputable products. If you live in Ventura County, where I live , and you feel okay about walking into a toy store, Trystology in downtown Ventura has an excellent selection of high quality products.

5. LET GO OF EXPECTATIONS: Many people attach unrealistic expectations to how their holidays should unfold. If the ham or latkes don’t turn out perfectly, if the Christmas tree ornaments don’t hang just so, if the kids don’t behave, or if you don’t get the exact gift you’ve been hinting about then major disappointment can beset some of us. Let some of that go and try to relax into each moment as it unfolds. And especially when it comes to sex, let go of the expectations. Sometimes when we’re tired and overdone by the holiday craziness and don’t think we have one ounce of energy to engage sexually, we may be pleasantly surprised at how much fun we have when we least expect it. Or a particular encounter may be a major dud. Take it in stride, laugh about it, and enjoy the warmth and connection you had with someone you love.

And have yourself a merry, sexy little Christmas (Hanukah, Kwanza or whatever you may be celebrating this season). Good health, good sex and all good things to you in the new year.