If you’ve ever experienced not getting or keeping an erection, don’t panic. And know that you’re not alone. Somewhere between 20-30 million American men will suffer from some kind of erection problem in their lifetime. And though almost nothing else causes quite as much anxiety, fear or shame as the inability to get or keep erections when you want them, in most cases it’s probably a transient or isolated incident .

Erectile issues are much more common in men over 45, and increase with age. If your erectile problems don’t occur all, or most, of the time (75-100% of times), haven’t been happening for more than 6 months and don’t cause you distress, then you can take a deep breath, calm down and know your penis will likely work most of the times you want it to when the situation is right.

There are many causes of erectile problems, both physical and psychological. Some of them are:

*age *high blood pressure *obesity *diabetes *neurological problems *vascular disorders *smoking *medication side effects *drug & alcohol use/abuse

*stress *depression *anxiety/performance anxiety *history of abuse *anger *low self-esteem *relationship problems

The following suggestions/ideas, I feel, are key to having a life of good erections and a happy sex life, even in those situations when perhaps your erections are not exactly how you’d like:

*stay healthy: that means eating a diet rich in plant based foods, less red meat, much less processed food, lots of good water, limited alcoholic beverages, quit or cut down smoking, get plenty of sleep (it raises testosterone levels) and exercise regularly; all these things will keep your circulatory system working well, and erections are all about good blood flow to your penis; as someone once said, “if you can’t stand up, how do you expect your penis to?”

*get regular check ups with your health care provider to make sure you are controlling any medial conditions you may have

*be aware that many prescribed, over the counter and street drugs have big time negative effects on erectile function; sometimes prescribed meds can be changed to minimize some of these negative side effects, so please speak up to your health care providers about this

*manage your stress: that may mean working a little less, have a weekend getaway with the guys, take a steam or sauna, get a massage, do nothing sometimes

*cut yourself some slack and listen to your penis: sometimes penises don’t get erect because you’re tired, you’re stressed, you’re angry,  you’re pre-occupied with a work deadline or sick mother, the conditions you need to relax into your sensual/sexual self are not being met or you just really don’t like the woman or man you’re trying to have sex with; sadly there is so much cultural, societal, and media pressure(not to mention messages from ever-present pornography), for men to be able to have rock hard erections, all the time, anytime, on demand, that last forever, regardless of anything else going on. Not fair and not realistic. Listen to your penis!

*forget the idea that “good sex” requires a hard penis: it doesn’t; as a man you may think it does, and society and the media haven’t helped that misconception, but I’m a woman, and I speak to women all the time and we can have great sex, and fun and connection with you without a hard penis

*please, please remember  that you are an awesome, valuable, worthwhile human being even if your penis isn’t working how you want it to

If you feel you need some help, physically or psychologically, to deal with your erection issues see your health care provider, sex therapist or both as soon as you can. And don’t forget to breath. It will be okay.